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Step Out

I had a beautiful, beautiful soul share this with me:

Feel like everything is falling apart, but in reality everything is coming together for your highest good.  You’re being pushed to evolve and get out of your comfort zone so you can live and experience your true greatness.  Welcome change. Trust the process.’

I’m pretty sure I’ve read it a thousand times.  Different words, phrases popping out in different ways, on different days. Welcome change!  That’s a big one for me. I’m sure for some of you too. Change is hard but can be oh so good and freeing. Things can be falling apart around us but are they?  In reality, are they really just piecing together the way they were always meant to be? They were maybe glued together the wrong way in the first place right? We’ve gotta continue to press forward.  Fight. I think of the words at the end of Philippians 3:13 where it says…”but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead.” As long as we continue to attach ourselves to our past, even to things that happened to us just yesterday or a few minutes ago, we are denying the things that Christ wants for our future.  It’s almost like we are putting our own road blocks up ya know? 

Please understand, I’m like not wanting to write this right now cause then I’ve gotta do what I’m preaching ha ha! It’s hard to let go. It’s hard to step out of our comfort zone.  What does that look like for you, stepping out of your comfort zone? Therapy? Reaching out to friends? Trying something new? Being honest with yourself? Stepping out of your comfort zone usually makes you want to puke at first.  Just saying. But in the end, it’s the most fulfilling and life changing experience. 

True greatness is inside of you.  True greatness is inside of me. God will not let go. He will not let go.  When I hold onto my past, sometimes I get stuck in asking, where were you? Where were you God?  Why? Why did you let him hurt me? Why did you let bad things happen? Why didn’t you save me? And the questions go on and on until my face is swollen with tears. I won’t sit in that though because I know that God was crying with me.  God was hurting with me. There’s evil in this world and we still have flesh and free will. There were wrong choices made and I was the one hurt in the end BUT I NOW HAVE THE VICTORY because of Jesus. You have victory too. Trust the process. Your true greatness awaits.

“In the waves of change, we find our direction”

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Here We Go Again

I couldn’t breathe.  I almost woke up my hubby but then I was like, nah, I’m ok.  Because that’s how we roll right? We all don’t ask for help very easily.  I honestly thought maybe it was just an addition to the cold I had. My thought was it was probably heading into my chest and I just needed some medicine.  Let’s fast forward to after the cold went away and the elephant on my chest still remained. I knew exactly what was going on. Crap. Here it is again. Anxiety.  Panic attacks. Ugh. Rough. They are rough friends. Anxiety blows. I truly believe everyone has experienced it on some level. There are a few of us that get kicked in the butt a bit harder.  

When things outside of our control start to feel like they are spiraling, I find that’s when the elephant likes to rear its ugly head.  As I continue to dig deeper into the loss of pieces torn off my soul from the abuse, I realize I’m in this unknown territory, hence the feeling of no control. What does life look like without the hurt? What do I feel about myself? What am I gonna do when I grow up? haha BUT step back friends. Let’s step back a moment. Unknown territory. This could be exciting. When we hit a place where we let go of what’s causing the elephant to exist in our lives, we get to start a new chapter.  Fresh pages. Nothing on them. It’s really not a loss of control but yet a new control. It’s all in our mind set. How we look at our moving forward will determine how our next chapter will look. I know I’ve used this verse before but I really don’t care cause I love it ha! Isaiah 43:19 “Be Alert, be present.  I’m about to do something brand new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?  There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands.” Brand new!  New chapter! Fresh start! He’s doing something.  Stupid elephants, tigers, and bears will come out and try to steal your joy but in the end, you will not be defeated.  For your ending is well, never ending because it’s got a Jesus stamp all over it. 

Shifting our mind set is huge.  What are we truly seeing? Fear is a liar. Fear traps us and makes us believe we can’t move forward.  Fear stops us in our tracks so the next chapter of beauty, renewing, joy, can’t be written. Fear can control you.  Don’t let that dirty jerk of a thing even see the light of day in the name of Jesus. You deserve everything Jesus and this beautiful earth has to offer.  Big things are in store for every chapter in your book. Remember, every chapter, each season will look different yet has purpose and can have joy depending on how you read and perceive it. 

“You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are full of yesterday’s junk.”

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Pick It

You need to pick your weeds.  No, you don’t need to pick your nose.  Although, on a side note, do you ever look over while driving to find your spouse halfway up their face and you’re like, did I know this about you before I married you? Hahahaha.  Ok, back to God stuff.  So maybe saying, you need to pull your weeds, would be better.

There are some weeds out there that are actually beautiful.  Like, they have some beautiful flowers that you wouldn’t even expect them to be weeds. They mask themselves pretty well.  Then there are some that you curse at when going to pull them out cause those prickly things get stuck in your fingers. You see where I’m going with this.  There are things in our lives we need to get out. Some may look beautiful on the outside but truth be told, they are killing us deep within. They aren’t allowing us to grow.  They aren’t allowing us to heal. Back in the day, I never said ‘No.’ I filled my life up so much that I couldn’t breathe yet the world saw me. It felt good to be so acknowledged and needed but did it?  It looked great on the outside, but it ended up making me crabby, tired, weary, and leaving my family by the wayside. Not cool in my eyes. Beautiful weeds, they needed to be plucked. The prickly weeds.  The ones that just keep coming back, ha. The ones that you know are hurting you yet you keep allowing them to hang around. Dude, that crap needs to go. Whether it’s a toxic relationship, maybe social media spirals you, those negative thoughts, I mean, we’ve all got them, it’s just a matter of facing them and yanking them out. We’ve chatted, well, I’ve chatted, about all kinds of prickly weeds in my life.  Truth, I may pull them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t try and grow back. It doesn’t mean that when crap hits the fan, I don’t think about cutting sometimes or falling back into victim mode from my past but friend, that’s when you get that weed killer out and you’re like BAM, no way, I’m moving forward, and kill that sucker. 

Psalm 16:11 says, “You will show me the path of life; In your presence is fullness of joy; In your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.”  I want that.  I want to weed out all the crap so that every seed I have worked so hard to plant grows so strong that those darn weeds can’t even show their ugly heads anymore. I want to be living in the fullness of joy with my Jesus.  Let’s do that. Ready. Set. Break. Oh, and FYI, in case you didn’t know, you are pretty killer. Like, you’ve got this. Warrior status, my friend, warrior status! 

“Don’t let the tall weeds cast a shadow on the beautiful flowers in your garden.”

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Just Be Nice

What we say influences people. How we treat them, love on them, look at them, speak to them, can make or break the reality of thoughts that are going through their minds. We are able to build up or shake down those that are in our path and in all honesty,  what we say and how we say it makes a huge difference. The reality is, we never know what’s going on behind the walls of their lives. We have no idea what heartache was walked through before they even came into our paths. 

I’m working through some hard steps in life right now about body image, learning to love my body, finding the beauty again, seeing that at an early age I was an object, my body wasn’t really mine. (More devos on all that goodness to come 🙂 So one of my assignments was to go back and recall all the different times about what I felt towards my body and write it, whether good or bad.  I had one pop up in my head which I couldn’t believe how much it affected me and stuck with me. I was a cheerleader in high school for a few years. Yes, I know, crazy, but hey, when you are goofy and loud who wouldn’t want you on their team! Anyhow, we were all getting our uniforms and the one girl told the coach, ‘She (pointing to me) will need a bigger size.’ As in, the rest of us are small but she’s bigger so………  Holy crap balls! So mean! But I just internalized it and went on my merry way, putting a game face on and continued to just make everyone laugh to mask the pain inside. Do you see what I’m saying though? Like, maybe she was just being super practical. She was right, I did need a bigger size because I wasn’t a -000 (eye roll) but she obviously had no idea all the other yuck that had gone on in the past or what I was carrying inside that would make that comment affect me so deeply. 

Proverbs 16:24, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet and delightful to the soul and healing to the body.”  We have the privilege to be part of someones amazing healing journey.  There are so many times that God places certain people at certain times in our paths to speak just the right words. We’ve all been there. Jesus uses everything around us to say, ‘Yes, keep going, you’ve got this.’ Imagine being able to be used as a tool in a beautiful souls life to say just that. We all walk so many different paths with so many different angles of hardship but in the end, we all want deep down soul healing. What you deeply desire in your heart from others, give out to those around you.  I promise it will come back to you. God don’t play games. Word! He knows what you need at just the right time. Be kind, love, be a light in someones life and don’t tell anyone they need a bigger size, I’m just say’n hahaha

“There will always be a reason why you meet people.  Either you need to change your life, or you’re the one that’ll change theirs.”

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Truth

This was sent to me by a beautiful friend. Such truth. Read it over and over. Cling onto it. Let it sink in. Allow it to become what keeps you going today and then go kick some serious butt.

God is Bigger Than

  • YOUR PAST
  • YOUR DEPRESSION
  • YOUR PAIN
  • YOUR HATE
  • YOUR ANGER
  • YOUR DOUBT
  • YOUR FEAR
  • YOUR SHAME
  • YOUR ANXIETY
  • YOUR SCARS
  • THIS WORLD

“You were made to do hard things, so believe in yourself.”

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No You Didn’t

OMG!   You just saw a text come through and your mind is reeling.  Did they really mean to say that? There was no emoji with it.  Does that mean they are mad? They only responded ‘ok’. There are always a few people that stir you up right? Texting can always be the worst anyways.  You never really can grasp what anyone truly feels through it which leads you to believe the worst. Let me go back to the line I just wrote though. There are always a few people that stir you up RIGHT?  Hmmmm. Why do you allow that to happen? Obviously, we all do it and it’s so human, but we also need to step back and protect our hearts, our souls. 

My daughter got her haircut a few years ago.  I will never forget it. She came home so upset. One of her, so called friends, looked at her on the bus with her new haircut and said, ‘I need to turn around.  I can’t even look at your hair!’ WHAT?!!?!?!? Dude, don’t make this mama bear whip out her tattoos and make me come at ya. McKenna, my daughter, has such a sweet soul and all she could think of was how to make it right and what she did wrong.  Because getting a cute haircut was wrong? I can’t even. When she got home, she texted this friend, asking why she would say that AND continue to talk about her at school. Of course, she denied all of it. At first I was like, give me the phone and I’ll text her but then I cooled off,  put my big girl pants on, and had an honest convo with my girl. I told her that sometimes we just need to distance ourselves from people who just aren’t feeding our souls. Some are so broken and are dealing with their own pain, which is the only way they know how to treat others. It’s easier to hurt others then to build them up.  With people like that, you need to love from a distance. 

You see where I’m going with this.  It’s ok to take care of our heart and soul first. It’s also ok that there are seasons in our lives we can handle a lot and sometimes we can’t handle much. Your beauty, your worth does not get to be defined by a comment from another, or a look from someone, or a conversation that went south. Sometimes this world can leave us feeling kicked and beaten down, questioning our value but Christ stands up letting us know we are worth more than gold.  Psalm 19:10 “They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb.”  

Yep, easier said than done, totally get it. Baby steps.  I tell myself that every day. The next time you feel a tinge in your heart over something that hits your gut hard, remember to take a deep breath and smile, yes smile.  Take back the power that is yours to have. This chapter of your life does not have to be defined by others but instead set in place by you and the one that created you. 

“Know your worth, then add tax.”

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Yes We Can

Ok, let’s try that again. We are allowed a redo. We are allowed to restart.  We are allowed to try something new. We are allowed to search for what we truly desire outside of the fact that we keep running into closed windows or bricks walls. Joy is ours to have and happiness is in the making. I had a beautiful time in therapy the other day.  I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, ya’ll need to hit up a therapist. It’s so good for the soul. There’s a reason Jesus puts these wonderful people on earth. We discussed our frustration over people just saying ‘be positive’ or ‘just let it go’ as in how easy that would be. Shoot.  If that were the case, we’d live in a world where everyone only pooped flowers and hugged all the time. Can I get an Amen? It’s just not that simple. 

Here’s what I’m learning. I’m digging into some hard stuff right now.  I’m in the middle of some serious yuck, to put it nicely. Ha. I’m sure as the weeks move forward, I’ll share more and more but right now, this is where I’m moving towards. Choices need to be made each moment, like each second. We each have a need, a longing in our hearts to reach peace, acceptance within ourselves, a deep desire for love, a want for change out of circumstances that keep bringing us back into darkness. We need to fight against what we know. We need to fight against what makes us comfortable.  We need to fight against the ‘I give up’ mentality and see ourselves worthy of what our hearts desire. We need to be brave enough and courageous enough to chase the positive in our lives. As I plow through this time in my life, I remember what my son told me months ago. When I had opened up to my kids about all the cutting, suicide attempt, sexual abuse etc, he said, ‘but you’re good now mom, right?’ I remember thinking, I am because I chose to be by the grace of God. I have to keep choosing that and so do you. 

Sweet friends, this world can make us out to be believe that we won’t make it or worse yet, that this is just how it’s gonna be till we croak.  Yea, no. That’s not truth and I’m not gonna sit here and believe it. We are gonna live life to the fullest. We are gonna fight for beauty and love in our lives toward ourselves, others, and our Jesus. With God’s help, we have the power to choose. We will fail at times, maybe a lot, but we pick back up and try again because you know why, we all deserve it. 

Psalm 30:2 “Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”