Deuteronomy 31:6 (Amplified)
“Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble in dread before them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not fail you or abandon you.”
He was my first kid so I thought spinning on the floor was super cute. Little did I know that he was trying to regulate his brain to calm himself. As time went on, he started to be delayed in many areas. We knew we had to get him help and by the time he was 3, my oldest was diagnosed with high functioning autism. We busted our butts to get him the tools he needed so he could function as normal as possible in this life. The good thing about Quinn (but also the hard thing) was that from the outside, he looks normal so to speak. He’s a handsome little fella (I’m a bit biased of course) but everything seem to be fine on the outside. It’s when you get to know him that his amazing and unique quirks come out. We told him at 10 what he had. I will never forget it. It was summer and he ran into the house heated, balling his eyes out. Now, we had a lot of incidents like this because kids didn’t always get Quinn so playing outside with other kids was difficult at times. This time was different. He ran in and hid in a corner. He said, ‘Why am I so different from everyone else.’…..’I just want to die!’ Holy mother of pearl, I wanted to either curl in the corner with him or go and beat some tooshy outside. My heart hurt so bad I can still feel it while writing this. That’s when I decided to tell Quinn he was on the spectrum and the reason people can’t understand is because he was wired differently than everyone else. I told him from the outside, it doesn’t seem like anything is wrong but on the inside, your wires in your brain are way cooler and work different then the rest. I’m not kidding, within seconds was he a different kid. He finally could understand why life is the way it is. He could put a name to everything he felt. After that, he researched everything to understand it more because, well, let’s just say Quinn is a genius.
There’s always a story behind each person. I know I’m not getting super spiritual right now but this one hits me to the core. All my life, people assumed I was happy go lucky and had everything together when in reality I was holding a dark secret that was killing me inside. Now that so much of that is released and being healed, I see each person I come in contact with totally different. I’m filled with compassion and love. Now, if they are honking at me and talk’n all nasty, maybe not so much compassion there.
We walk around feeling like we’ve gotta keep it together. If anyone knew, or if anyone had any idea what I did, etc, the world would stop. Oh friend, please allow yourself to be real. When we learn to sit in what’s going on inside, we are able to move forward. People want to know your story so that they can sit in it with you. You’re story doesn’t define you, just like Quinn’s autism doesn’t define who he is BUT it matters. It shapes you. It gives you strength to be a warrior. We are filled with broken pieces and ugly truths but we can overcome. We WILL overcome because acceptance is key. You are stronger than you realize! You are good enough! We believe in a God of grace, new beginnings, fresh starts, peace, and joy in the midst of all the junk. We can’t change what was written in the first, second, third chapter in our story, but we sure as heck can make it a kick butt ending!
What does your ending look like? Do you want it to look different? What’s one thing you could change today to walk closer into confidence, joy, peace, and strength like a warrior?
“I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past.”