The chapter needed to end. The page needed to be turned and quickly. The monster that had taken over my body for so many years had to be destroyed. A few months back I came to a breaking point with my eating disorder. It was destroying me and I had to look it straight in the eyes and tackle it head on. I knew it was the last piece of the healing puzzle. It was also the piece that the devil was using to hold me down. Being able to see my body as a beautiful image of God is so foreign and, I thought, out of my reach so I just constantly attacked it. Undoing the thoughts that my body was an object, no good, not enough, ugly, and the list goes on from the abuse that never left my mind, seemed like it was beyond my reach. There came a day that I lost it. The control that it had over me came to a quick reality. The circumstances around me were gonna leave me with choices I didn’t want to make. It was time to end the chapter.
We’ve all been here too many times right? We know we need to start writing chapter 3 yet we are stuck in chapter 2 because if we let it go, we don’t know what the next page will bring. The unknown is scary. Crap friends, this past month and a half has been nothing short of…….bring me back to chapter 2 please!! Haha. The freedom only lies on the other side. I have seen that in my own healing time and time again and I’m sure you’ve seen it in your own life. We hold onto what we think we can control and what will serve us in the end. In reality though, it’s stopping us from moving into another chapter of blessing and healing, the next level of joy and peace. For me, I just don’t want to be a prisoner anymore of things that don’t serve me toward a better future that I’ve worked so darn hard for. I want that for you also. In 2 Peter 1:3a “By His divine power the Lord has given us everything we need for life……” If we rest in Him, like truly give it, He provides everything we need. I want to control everything around me, ha. Imagine that. When in reality, it ends up hurting me in the end. We end up questioning our worth. We end up questioning our future.
My heart’s desire for you and me is for us to see ourselves as Christ sees us: Beautiful, intelligent, strong, confident, enough, bad arses (cause he does), and warriors. This is the truth that we are gonna stand in.
Our next chapter will be titled, Look At Me Now!
“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.”