Dark…..but Light

Deuteronomy 31:8 (CEB)

“But the Lord is the one who is marching before you! He is the one who will be with you! He won’t let you down. He won’t abandon you. So don’t be afraid or scared!”

The depths of the darkness could not even be touched by drugs. They tried, but they weren’t getting it right.  Depression is just ugly and so so dark. I know many of you can relate. It comes in many shapes and sizes. Many different colors. Although as each year went on in my life there were levels of healing, there was also this deep inner despair that I couldn’t shake.  It started to form different layers also. Obviously anxiety started to rear its ugly head but there was more. Thoughts in my head wouldn’t stop. Anger. Bad. So bad I would scare my children. They were really little. They would hide behind the curtains (gosh it brings me to tears to write that..ugh).  Yet then the next day, I could freaking be the life of the party. I felt like I was losing my mind. It wasn’t until a long time friend from years ago had stopped by and I lost my you know what. I just completely unloaded. She’s like, dude, you have Bipolar 2. I’m like, what the heck are you talking about. She’s like, look it up, it fits you to a tee. 

Needless to say, my first thought was, it’s not like I’m going to the extreme and jumping off buildings or running the streets with no clothes on. Not that it didn’t sound slightly appealing ha. But that’s kind of what we think of when we think bipolar. Long story short (well not really) I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 years ago and on the right medication and just have been a joy to be around ever since.  Hahaha. 

You are thinking, Heather, why are you telling me all this?  Or maybe not but I’m gonna answer the question anyways. There were many who wanted to speak into what was happening in my life. Whether they felt that God could heal what was happening and I didn’t need medication, or maybe the diagnosis was wrong, or whatever.  Friend, NO ONE should EVER like EVER live in utter darkness and complete isolation of sorrow. Hopelessness IS NOT of Jesus. He is a God of peace, love, joy and he wants that for you, for us. He brings people into our lives, into this world, in order to help us. He wants you to be the best version of you that you can be with or without drugs. I need them, ask my husband! 🙂 Getting help is important.  Finding people to talk to IS important. Reaching out IS important. Shoot, my little black book consists of mainly therapists and shrinks so if you’re in need, let me know! Ha! Don’t think for a second that you aren’t worth it cause you so are! You are a child of the KING! 

“There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.”

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