‘No dying today’, says God
Psalm 118: 5&6 (Message)
“Pushed to the wall, I called to God; from the wide open spaces, he answered. God’s now at my side and I’m not afraid; who dare lay a hand on me? God is my Champion”
I remember the day so vividly. It was a Saturday, I was at my lowest. Cutting wasn’t cutting it anymore. Ha! (Sorry, humor will be added cuz that just how I deal! 🙂 Up until this point I had been collecting all pills that shrinks were giving me to supposedly make me better. It wasn’t until way later that we figured out no one could diagnose me right but we will touch that in a different devo. Those pills were gonna be my, ‘and we’re done’ pills. I was so far gone that day, that I was numb yet tears were strolling down my face. The black hole had sucked me in and darkness couldn’t be escaped. I went to the kitchen and grabbed the bag of pills. While I was there I grabbed a large container of Advil because evidently I needed to make sure this worked. I sat on my bed and went to town. Downing every last pill. BUT! Because there’s a but, cuz well, i’m still alive so there better be!!! Immediately after taking them, my spirit lifted. Now, a bit backwards and a little late for that to happen but hey, I’ll take it because the next thing is what saved me. I had gotten up from my bed and went to the couch, pretty much to just wait. I could now start to feel the pills set it and I was getting to the passing out period when I screamed out loud, ‘I don’t want to die! I just want someone to help me!” So so clearly did i hear, ‘You are not gonna die!’ Holy cats it was Him. Whether these words were truly spoken or spoken clearly in my heart (I mean, I wasn’t completely coherent…so…), He spoke. I called a friend and said, you’ve gotta come get me now, before then passing out.
Long story short, well not really, because that was long but they got the poison out of me and by the time family started coming, I was on a huge God high! I promise you they probably thought I was more crazy now than before this all happened. But I didn’t care, He met me in my darkest, darkest of all darkest places and He heard me! He seriously saved me. The devil thought he could win and hell to the no. My Jesus saved me and He can and will do the same for you. Please understand me when I say this, your darkness or pain looks completely different that mine. Your relationship and how you hear Jesus is completely different from me. It’s the absolute beauty of Christ and how He knows exactly what we need individually. The thing I so want you to get is that HE HEARS. You may feel like He doesn’t and I have a thousand moments where I feel like He’s not there but I have the few moments, especially that big one, that I hold onto. You’ve got to hold onto what He has done for you and lean into it. I don’t get what He’s doing sometimes. Those years of complete and utter darkness, why didn’t He save me then? Why He doesn’t answer the way I want or answer at all. There are so many questions at times but I can never replace or ever come close to what I feel when I just cry out and He’s there. You know that feeling! That’s Him! We’ve gotta stay there even in the darkness.
Friend, He is right there holding you. What do you need to give to Him today? What gut wrenching thing is weighing you down? Let Him have it, let Him meet you right there.
“When you hurt, God feels the pain. You’re His most prized possession. You’re His child.”