Rejected

So I tried out for American Idol.  I know, crazy right? It was the summer of 2004 and it was the season that Carrie Underwood won.  Yea, puts this is a little more perspective for a sec, ha. Just picture it, a huge stadium, every seat filled with people waiting to audition. I mean, talk about already feeling like this was a bad idea, once I sat down and looked around, I was like, nope, I’m good, let’s go.  So they put you in groups. Each group goes in front of 3 “judges”. Not THE judges, this is only the first step, there’s so many more before being able to hit the real thang. The thing is, they take like, I don’t know, 10 to 15 groups together, in a gymnasium type room. So imagine trying to sing over a hundred people trying to audition at the same time.  Total chaos. I get up to the table, I sing, then I hear, “You have an amazing voice, but it’s not good TV.” I’m sorry, what? If you’ve watched the show back then, you’ll remember that it was them showing all the rejects. The crazy ones who would show up in a spiderman costume (which was in our audition), you had William Hung, you had people with almost no clothes on, yea, I obviously didn’t fit that role.  Needless to say, I didn’t get the ticket to move forward and it stung a bit. Grant it, it was nice for them to acknowledge the fact that I was a good singer but too bad I didn’t have my pink/purple hair and all of my tattoos back then! Shoot, I’d give them good TV!

The rejection from this wasn’t easy.  It wasn’t necessarily because they said no, it was more because I had many people assuming I’d make it through and I needed to go back and tell them all I didn’t. That piece was hard.  It feels like you let not only yourself but them down too. Rejection blows in general. Whether it’s a job you’ve been dying to get, a friend who decides to walk away, a spouse who turns their back, maybe you got fired or sometimes you pour your heart and soul into something or someone and get nothing.  Ok, so here we are, in a funk of rejection, so now what? You start with compassion toward yourself. I know this is hard for us but honestly, you need to allow yourself to have the emotions that are attached to what just happened. Another thing, rejection does not define you. I really wanted American Idol to define me at the time!  I’m not gonna lie. But my life would’ve looked a lot different today if that would’ve happened and is that what I really wanted? Sometimes we just want to feel loved or accepted and that’s what makes rejection hurt so bad. 

In John 15:18 it says, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated Me before it hated you.” Wowza, Jesus was hated, rejected, spit on, killed really, biggest rejection ever, so He gets it. I know in this place of rejection it can feel lonely but we are tucked underneath His wing. We may feel like we are alone but really we are alone with Him.  Sometimes we can’t see why He would allow our hearts to sting so bad or why we’ve gotta grow through crappy stuff in general but it’s nice to know He gets it even if we can’t see the goodness yet. Remember, in the end, it’s their loss. They turned their back or said no not realizing the amazing, kick butt person that you are. I think those judges just didn’t know what to do with my amazing self, or at least that’s what I just keep telling myself!  🙂 

“Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being redirected to something better.”