It’s Breaking

Psalm 119:114 (MEV)

“You are my hiding place and my shield, I hope in Your word.”

I remember sitting in the parking lot. My heart was pounding in my chest. Too many things had lead up to this point that I knew it was time to speak. Others needed a chance to forgive and fully heal,  I needed the truth to be spoken so that I could live in freedom, but more importantly my soul needed to be completely made whole, healed. Sitting and speaking felt like nails into my heart yet the depths of me was jumping for joy. Sometimes I can’t believe that I held this for 30 some years.  It’s mind-blowing how we can shove things down so far, they almost don’t exist. But then as you go through life, each layer gets thinner and the pain of what happens slowly seeps to the surface. I’ve said this before in past devos, the outcome wasn’t exactly what I expected. I actually feel like the response and the moving forward broke my heart more than the actual speaking of the sexual abuse BUT oddly enough, my soul has been healing on a level that I didn’t even realize it needed too! I think sometimes our world needs to be rocked upside down and our heart needs to break in order for the depth of our souls to really function again. 

How many times have we dated someone and they go breaking our heart but then we knew, we will never let that happen again.  We will be sure to watch out for slime balls and what they look like right? If we don’t experienced the heart wrenching pain, we won’t see the window inside of our souls that needs a little help.  What I’m saying is that sometimes we break, our heart breaks, our world gets knocked upside down, tragedy strikes, truth is not received, loss happens, and we are lost. We bottle it, shove it down, internalize it, hide, whatever our scapegoat is, we do it. What if instead we began to realize that the breaking is what opens the healing. Yes the pain is unbearable and living the experience again does not sound like a walk in the park, obviously it’s not, BUT it’s needed.  Hope is allowed inside of us when we have cracks that need to be repaired surrounding our hearts. Our soul doesn’t fully connect to our Jesus or others if it’s not cleaned out of all the garbage it’s been through. 

The heart breaks, sometimes a lot, ha. Things don’t turn out the way you thought or shoot, it takes forever to get to the end of the pain and heartbreak and you want to just be like, done. You can’t, we can’t, there’s so much greatest waiting for us in the end. Sometimes I see Jesus up there screaming in a low voice, “Let’s go girl!” While pumping His fist in the air like he’s at a football game. What?  You don’t have that image? 🙂 He knows heartache, he’s lived heartache, and he knows that the only way to true peace, hope, and healing in the soul is through Him. Dig deep and allow your heart to feel so that your soul heal. 

“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.”

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