There are times when I get flashbacks so bad that it stops me in my tracks. I’ll be at the store, driving my car, cleaning the house ,and I’m frozen. The pain rushes back through my body and I physically can’t move. The faces of my kids, my bedroom, all these triggers that my eyes see what happened again have a tendency to spiral my thoughts in a million different directions. For a moment I’m back there. My safety is gone. My innocence is lost. A piece of me is stolen. Inside I’m screaming for help and no one hears me.
Ummm…so that’s depressing, you say. Ha, I’m not gonna leave you there in my yucky place, don’t worry. We’ve all got a piece of our souls that got hurt, that were torn out, that were so gut wrenching that we think we aren’t gonna live another day. It’s in these moments that I feel as if we all should be allowed to move to a beach far far away, right? We all wish, but instead we’ve gotta fight through. For a long time I hung out in this feeling, I’m not a gonna lie. It was easier to just sit in this pain then claw my way out but I learned and I’m still learning that I’m bigger than the pain. I’m more powerful than what happened to me. If we stay in the agony we feel, it will disable us and not allow any movement to move forward with our lives. I literally visualize me placing all of that which is inside of me at the time in my hand and literally throwing it, whipping it across the earth. Maybe I’m throwing it into the arms of Jesus because in all honesty, I just can’t carry it anymore. 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is enough for you, because my power is made perfect in weakness.” We will not be defeated in our painful situations or with what has inhaled our hearts with hurt. The pain that you feel is inevitable but suffering in it is an option. You decide. Jesus is there to pick us up when we have days where walking out of the house seems like torture. Jesus is there to take the heaviness in our hearts and fling is across the earth. You just gotta give Him a chance. You just gotta let Him in.
Yes, we need to feel our pain. We need to find the truth behind why it hangs out there but let it change you. You are so brave in waking up each day and conquering the thoughts and feelings that could swallow you up. Change isn’t black and white. Change doesn’t happen overnight. (Hey, I just rhymed ha!) The journey is slow and scary at times but so worth it.
“I have no power to control the weather. But I can bring an umbrella.”