The Struggle is Real

John 14:27

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

I will never forget the last few weeks of my daughters school year. She pretty much missed it all. She had these immense stomach aches, low grade fevers, and she would turn pale white before needing to fall asleep.  She then would wake up and feel better. Before this there were discussions of her feeling upset, worked up, unsettled, fearful. I make a HUGE point with my kiddos to speak truth about our feelings. I don’t care how awkward it feels or if they think I’d be upset. Some might say I go over the top…..I mean a few years back, my little one had belted out a swear word (not knowing it was one) and my other 3 almost fell out of their chairs. Either with laughter or shock! So I thought, I should just tell them all swear words now so they don’t wonder. So with all 4 in the car, I proceeded to say all swear words and spell each one out. Needless to say, their mouths were wide open, speechless, but now they never had to questioned what they were again AND they heard it from me! 🙂 You get my point. Bottom line, I have issues with having a filter and I’m quite real with my kids. Back to what this is really about.

We came to find that my daughter was having panic attacks.  To the point where she was having like 3 or 4 a day. I wasn’t surprised seeing that I have mental illness and anxiety is at the top of the list. So we chatted a lot about it and went to therapy. We decided that medicine was the best way to go in order for her to move forward and function in this beautiful life in a healthy way. Her momma already is on drugs so why not join in. Ha

I’ve struggled much of my life not understanding why I couldn’t just read this verse or others like it, pray, and start feeling peace.  Why did so many others around me get the ‘feels’ when i couldn’t even get halfway through reading it before bawling my eyes out. That’s when I realized that everyone’s troubled heart and their peace look different. Some can immediately get to a place of peace and calm right after praying and are able to shake off whatever was in their way, while others, like me or my daughter, were grateful that after we prayed, we didn’t crawl back into bed the rest of the day, or drink 3 bottles of wine to numb the pain. It also brings me back to, Christ meets us all exactly where we are at. He does not give us as the world gives, only specific ways to find peace but instead unconditional, all encompassing peace which meets each one of us. It’s OK to be you.  It’s OK to struggle with really deep ugly stuff and want Christ to swoop in with peace that dwells so deep you could fly because He can and He will. You just have to see it right where you are at. It just may look a little different.

Even in our faith, we have a tendency to compare with others. That’s not how this works. My faith will look different than yours. It’s the cool part of being created uniquely.  Embrace YOUR own faith because God does.

“Your faith can move mountains.”