WARNING: We are jumping in deep so hold on tight! 

Another suicide.  My daughter got in the car and said another kid committed suicide.  My heart sinks. I get it.  I’ve been there.  

I didn’t have a reason to live…….or so I thought.  At the time, the world didn’t need me and I didn’t want to be a part of it.  Stay with me. I’ve touched on this before but man, this needs to be talked about more. Also, I promise I won’t keep you in this lovely place lol.  As I walk away from this piece of my life more and more each day, and as I have others come into my life that I can breathe life into regarding suicide, I’ve begun to realize something.  Each one of us are an intricate piece that makes up this beautiful world.  There’s no other piece that will form into your spot.  There’s no other piece that will form into that student’s spot who just took his life.  That piece will be missed forever.  

We all have days where we are just done.  Done with parenting, done with our job, done with putting on the happy face, done with pretending.  Maybe you got a phone call that rocked your world, or maybe a relationship in your life is dwindling.  You see, things change, people change, we change, BUT God never changes.  HE NEVER CHANGES! He walks right alongside you during your lowest of lows and highest of highs.  He’s there with the same love for you when you are ready to throw in the towel or on your best day ever.  It took me a long, a freaking long time to allow this piece to sink in.  I think for me, my emotions changed so much that it was hard to grasp that there was anything in this life that didn’t change. It was crazy to me that there was someone who thought I was amazing even when I didn’t take a shower for days or decided to overdose. 

It’s ok to be where you are at.  Honestly, you have permission to feel what you feel.  I didn’t step into that freedom enough. I do more now.  Dude, ask my husband, he totally witnesses the feels on every level. I try my best though to not stay there.  I allow the feels but then I need to stand on the truth.  John 8:32 says, “Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” 

Here’s what I’m trying to get at.  You have freedom in Christ.  Freedom to be sad, angry, frustrated, worried, and the list goes on BUT on the flip side you have freedom to love, be joyful, to allow happiness to seep in even in your dark place.  Guys, you’ve gotta talk.  Talk it out with a friend, a therapist, the stranger at starbucks, I don’t care who it is but get it out there.  When you keep it in, you allow the secret to manifest into something bigger and bigger and then giving up is all you want to do.  Journal that crap out. I’m a huge advocate of journaling because you know what, you can’t do it wrong.  

I know I went a little more heavy but some things need to be said and I don’t feel like people talk about suicide enough.  It’s real and out there, BUT you were created so uniquely that no one can replace you. Allow that to sink in.  Receive it. Say it to yourself over and over again.  You are enough.  You are special.  You are exceptional. 

“True freedom starts with absolute honesty.  The moment you call a problem by it’s real name, you’re already learning how to make it less harmful.”