When I stared to own my body back, I was almost lost. When I finally wasn’t drawn to all beautiful sharp objects to release pain, I almost didn’t know where to turn. On one end, things were flipped upside down in an awesome way of healing. On the other end, things were flipped upside down because it’s all I knew.
What we’ve known as life recently has turned and flipped like 15 times. If i’m being honest, I’ve had serious writers block. I’m not even sure what to feel. I do know that the freshman 15 happen even when you are 42. Also, every day is the weekend so……….I know what you’re thinking and no, it’s totally apple juice in my cup starting at noon hahahaha. All kidding aside, it’s unknown and now it’s just all annoying. I mean I get it, don’t get me wrong. We’ve got a monster that we are trying to protect ourselves from and there’s some amazing, rockstar people that are pulling us through but I’m more talking about us ordinary, hanging loose folks over here. Honestly, it’s hard to imagine that this is our life for a long time. You? I’m just being straight. And for me, when crisis hits, I tend to go numb. Hide. Yet what am I hiding from. It’s not like I can really see anyone right now! Ha! Maybe it’s from myself. It’s from the emotions that cause my mind to go in not so fun places. Worry, fear, sadness……..the unknown. I don’t like it because it’s out of my control. Or is it? I learned after cutting had been my life, that I could replace it with positive things to release. This got me thinking, I know crazy but really, the thought of filling the negative with positive is quite mind blowing. Nothing we haven’t heard before but do we follow it? I sure as heck haven’t. I’ve gotten lost in the ‘this blows’ feeling instead of the ‘you’ve got this’ option. We can’t change the circumstances around us but we can change how we react to them. Jesus has been my foundation my whole life but yet I’m not totally acting like it. If I truly believe He’s in control, then I need to let go. I mean for crying out loud, the Main Man has gotten me through sexual abuse, cutting, suicide attempt, and the list just goes on and on. I’m pretty sure He’s gonna walk us all though this. It’s a matter of truly believing it. He’s alive and living in us and we forget constantly to grab on. At least I do. Replacing negative with positive is our challenge today. Even if it’s just one time.
Friends, we are in this together. I know we’ve heard that a million times recently but really, You and I, thick or thin, lost or found, sinking or on cloud nine, we’re in this baby!