“Why do you stand so far away, Lord, hiding yourself in troubling times?”
Why didn’t anybody save me? I was so young and so scared. How could no one know what was going on? Was I not enough? Did they know and no one said anything? These were some of the thoughts that constantly went through in my head as a little girl. And if Jesus was real, why wasn’t he stopping this? But the way that we grew up was to keep quiet about things like this. You kind of, shove it under the rug and it will fix itself. Mistakes and wrong decisions made you feel like an outcast. Although this was not my mistake, I felt like it was all growing up. Like I must have done something wrong. If everyone thinks this person was so great, then it must be me. Man, it was hell to untangle so much of this yet so so worth it. I’m still untangling but I’m pretty sure that’s where all of us are at with a lot of stuff, right?!
Am I enough? This is a question I struggled with constantly. Because I was brought up in a Christian home, I had such a difficult time separating what happened to me and Jesus love. I mean, if this is what love looked like then I want nothing to do with it ya know? I coincided him not saving me with he must not love me and I’m not enough. This thinking is what really led me down an ugly path. As I move forward, there are a million times I’ve asked him, why the heck are you not pulling me out of this ugly mess? Am I not enough for you? Yes I am and so are you. We are enough. We base our ‘enough’ on feelings instead of standing on truth. Friends, please know that I’m completely and utterly preaching to myself here. Because we believe in a God who is greater than all the ugly and all the pain, we can stand with confidence to say, I AM ENOUGH! We have to fill our minds with the honest truth that is right before us. Whether we truly believe it or not really at the moment, we need to speak it out. If I chose to stay in my past and in the horrible wreckage, my life would look a lot different today or I wouldn’t be here at all. My ‘enough’ needed to come from a deep rooted place in my soul that was planted by my Jesus. I had and still need to quiet the nasty voices that constantly wreak havoc. Those around us are not meant to make us feel enough. They are not fully capable and we can’t expect it of them. Between you and Christ, that’s where your ‘enough’ sits. The power that is living inside of you is a gift and we need to use that to push aside the idiotic crap that floods our minds.
I WAS saved. It didn’t look like I thought it would but in the end, I was saved. I know I’ve touched on this in devos before but gosh darn, we need to keep hearing it! At least I do! You Are Enough!! We Are Enough! We are worth more than gold! And in the end, our worth is not defined by our mistakes or the mistakes of others but by the unique beauty that radiates out of you. No one, NO ONE has what you have. Now go kill it out there!
“You are worth finding, worth knowing, worth loving. You and all your one million layers.”