John 16:33 (ESV)
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Dealing with the sexual abuse piece of my life has been nothing short of gut wrenching yet complete with freedom and a new found strength. It steals the essence of what your soul and heart should be centered on. It makes you question the worth you even have in this world. It rips the courage out of your hand to believe you are beautiful.
I held this secret for about 35 years of my life. Well, I held it from those that would be closely connected. I had a circle of peeps that knew. Needless to say, I sat in the ugly for a long, long period of time. Going to therapy, of course, and trying to rebuild what I had lost was an ongoing process. I also had to live a second life so to speak. Protecting everyone close meant I had to constantly disconnect from myself and live in a lie. Dude, my head was pretty messed up. I’m not gonna lie.
I don’t speak these things for everyone to feel bad for me cause seriously, we have ALL or are still dealing with some pretty nasty……poop (Wink). I say these things because I’m still breathing and so are you. We are still getting up in the morning, well, maybe barely on some days but hey, we are! I’m trying to process through what happiness looks like in the middle of the sh**. I know I had glimpses of it when thing were at it’s lowest. Is it weird? Is it possible? Is it normal? I think it’s a real thing. Christ talks about how he has overcome the world. He has overcome our pain, so although it will continue to exist, a peace or happiness can still flow through us BUT we need to choose it. We need to understand that our happiness is not mounted on our circumstances and not defined by the roller coaster that our emotions are going through. Our happiness is grounded on the pure love and pureness of our Jesus. It’s grounded in the fact that He’s not gonna let us go. We have to sit, and breath, and allow is holy presence to fill the deep wounds that we carry. This may not mean you are gonna start running around the house, ripping off your clothes, laughing and singing. (not sure why I decided you would need to rip of your clothes but each to his own ha) What it means is we are allowing ourselves to release the power that our circumstances or emotions have and are standing in the deep rooted security we have within ourselves and with Christ.
Take some time today to really sit in His presence. Really allow him to feel and understand where you sit with life right now. Allow Him to just overcome you with His goodness and utter hope.
“True happiness is deep within your heart.”