Ephesians 2:10a (ASV)
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus..”
So guilty! I probably have about 1400 walls that need to be shattered on a daily basis. I feel as though I have gotten 10 times better, so maybe I just have like 1200. You’ve got a few too don’t you? I think it’s natural for people to feel guarded at times, especially when pain has hit them hard or they’ve gotten smashed and trampled by people once they’ve opened up.
Talk about guarded, back in the day I felt like I needed to hide everything. Put the face on and go act like things are ok. Would people understand or even grasp what I’m sitting in? Would they just judge me? It’s hard because many of us grew up learning to put the game face on, act like everything’s ok. For a while, I had a job at my college recruiting. I was deep into cutting and literally had to talk myself into being a different person before walking out that door and then being sure all cuts were covered up. Have you ever been there? (well maybe not exactly there…) Where you’re like, ok, I’m going in! And like superman, you morph into something totally different to hide what’s really happening inside. I assumed that’s what I needed to do. I allowed myself, in so many situations, to be the butt of jokes, to act like the stupid one so people could feel better about themselves, and the list goes on. Super sucky way to live and not meant for any of us. Once I stepped over the hump of the darkest day, I began to completely embrace what made me. I began to walk tall with what I had been through. I allowed all my scars to show. So much so that one day, I was at Barnes and Noble and the dude behind the counter was like, oh my gosh, did a cat attack you? Ummmmm…..yes, why yes he did (insert eye roll) haha.
I get that sometimes it’s super scary to be real with where we are at in life. It’s so so so scary to allow others, even Jesus, into that pain. What will they think? How will they react? Will they judge me or love on me? I’m here to tell you that if you allow even just one of your walls to come down, you will slowly begin to feel your heart lighten. You will allow the real you to start to come through. I don’t care if the real you has scars all over it, baggage piled 25 miles high, or you haven’t showered in days! Oh wait, that’s me! Hehe. You be you, right where you are at. Don’t start walking out that door until your head is held high and you are ready to tear down some walls. Remember, unconditional love is wrapped around you already because that’s how our awesome Daddy works. You just need to keep moving forward believing it.
“We hide behind our walls because we think they protect us, when really all they do is prevent us from touching whatever wonderful freedom lives on the other side.”